The Writing Life

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Obsessing

Because my book is out in the U.S., I've been a wee bit obsessed with whether or not it's going to sell. I've written to the publicity dept. of the American publisher and offered my services. Haven't heard back on the latest letter. Apparently they have lots of contacts in San Francisco, but I have no way of getting up there unless they pay for me to do so. I have a feeling they won't.

I check Amazon way too often. Today, however, I had a thrill when I realized they added that "Search inside the book" thing. I always love that feature when I'm shopping, so I'm excited that they did that. I watch my rank go up and down on the site (for entertainment purposes only, as it tells you nothing unless you have some kind of huge bestseller).

I even checked ebay. There are a lot of booksellers on ebay. Most use dutch auctions and I added up how many copies are currently available. The grand total? 401! Guess how many sales? 0, if you don't count the two that were just auctioned off by the bats for an author who lost everything in Hurricane Katrina. The good news there is that the two signed copies earned $96.55, which is a whole lotta guano.

I need to stop obsessing, however. It's too easy to drive myself crazy.

At least I'm not just sitting around. I've been working on finishing my novel and it's going well. This time I'm determined to get it done. I need to get it out into the world, working for me.

I need to be thinking up some new proposals, but right now I'm drawing a blank. My head is so deeply into the novel, I can't think of anything but that. I'm hoping that when I finish, I'll think up something good.

I'm going to be in a lot of trouble, financially, very soon. I just got the second payment for the rune book, so I can pay this month's rent and some bills, but it's not going to last very long. My outrageously high rent sees to that every month. I need to make a lot more money, so that I can be more comfortable and eliminate all this financial stress. I need the book to be an international bestseller. That's the main reason I'm obsessing over it. I need it to succeed.

Other than the usual money issues, things are going well. The new song is still being worked on, but I now have the version with the piano and it's killer! She did such an amazing job.

Gak, I hate never being able to use names or titles or anything simply because I don't want Stalker Boy to find this blog. Drives me nuts. I would love to link to my books, to my songs, and so on. But I just can't take that chance.

Ah well, it could be worse. At least I can still vent here. Or celebrate! Speaking of which, my home state's biggest paper did a short review of my book. Major thrill for me. I grew up reading that paper and voila! There's my book, and they liked it! Mom called to tell me and she was beside herself with joy. So excited. She told all of her friends. Man, I love that. I love making her happy.

Okay, time for me to go. I need to get some sleep.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

He's baaa-aaack revisited

Yes, Stalker Boy has returned. He probably only had a one month prescription and when it ran out, he want back to his familiar, crazy ways. He's got a new blog, naming me as one of the world's most evil people. To review: I never did a darned thing to this kid. The last time I interacted with him online was late Jan/early Feb 2005. He is almost certainly schizophrenic and therefore imagines things. These hallucinations seem real to him. This is why he claims I said things I never said, did things I never did, and so on. It's all in his head. Doesn't stop him from libeling me, of course. Heck, he even posted a diatribe about me on Craig's List (the link was bad, so I'm assuming CL pulled it).

I have to admit, the resurrection of Stalker Boy didn't help my mood. I've seen far too much coverage of the Katrina disaster, and have been switching between deep sorrow for those affected and boiling anger at Bush and his regime. The callous disregard that he and those who work for him show is, well, it's too much to bear.

One good note. I finally got paid today. Gee, it was only two months after I invoiced, too. That put me in so much financial hardship, I can't even tell you. Now I need to get my check from the other publisher and I'll feel better.

With both books written, I've turned my attention to my novel. I want to get it finished, so it can start working for me. It's not earning a dime on my harddrive.

Time for bed. I'm beat. I've had a killer headache all day, and maybe some sleep will get rid of it.

Here's hoping.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Helpless and Angry

I feel so helpless in light of the tragedy playing out in the south after the destructive forces of Hurricane Katrina. I'd love to give the Red Cross a huge check, but still haven't been paid by either publisher, so I'm living on very little funds. I'm going to donate 10% of all the money I have in the world, which isn't much. One of the boards I post on is matching donations, so at least my small contribution will be doubled.

I am livid at Bush and his cabal, and the way they have handled this crisis. I've known for quite awhile that Bush is the worst president this country has seen in my lifetime (possibly in our entire history), but I was still naive enough to hope that in so obvious a crisis he might at least step near the plate. Instead he vacationed, did his little pro-war tour, played with a guitar, and rode his bike. Pretending to care, he had Air Force One dip below the clouds long enough to do a little tourist gawk at the damage. That's showing leadership! Way to go, Chimp! Now everyone who's starving and dying will feel SO much better!

After gutting all the programs that are in place to care for the citizenry of the United States, FEMA is a mere shadow of its former self. I remember when the Northridge quake hit my area. It was devestating, but FEMA was there immediately, and did its best to help us on our way to becoming whole again. This destruction is so much larger, deadlier, and horrifying, yet the head of FEMA, who was fired from his last job for incompetency, but was lucky enough to be a Bush crony, is now spending all of his time talking and lying to the media. I've seen him get caught in lies so many times, it's now a "wait for it" moment every time I see him inerviewed. "I just found out there are some people at the convention center." Just found out? I've known for days! How is that some uninvolved TV viewer in California knows about the problem but the director of FEMA doesn't?

And I'm sick to death of hearing about "no one expected this." Again, I KNEW IT WAS COMING! How? I saw a show on the Discovery Channel that predicted exactly this scenario. Saw it last year. I knew all about the levees and the flooding and the danger of a category 4 or 5 hurricane. WHY DIDN'T THE GOVERNMENT? Wait, let me guess: What I saw had to do with science and we all know that science isn't allowed in the current administration.

I've been watching too many people dying. I've seen too many dead bodies on TV. I've seen too much destruction. I've heard too many presidential platitudes. I'm feeling too helpless and angry and just feel the need to rant. I despise what the incompetent ape in office has done to MY country. I despise his sociopathic inability to care about anyone who isn't one of his buddies. I despise his efforts to ruin the lives of the poor and disposessed by cutting all government programs meant to aid the American people. I despise his selfish need to be a "war president". I despise the lies and fraud that was perpetuated on the American people regarding Iraq. I despise the fact that he murdered all those soldiers as clearly as if he had set off the bombs and shot the bullets himself. I despise what he has done to the reputation of the USA abroad. I despise that a man who obviously hates this country and its people is sitting in the highest office of the land. I despise that he stole two elections, rigging voting machines so that Democratic votes turned mysteriously into Republican votes. I despise Bush's dishonesty, his lack of compassion, his ego, his immaturity, his lack of intellect, his inability to admit when he's wrong, and so many things I can list it.

This is what helpless and angry feels like.